4/19/2023 0 Comments Watch goodtimes online free![]() ![]() For example trying telling yourself, “I was loved, but not in a way that was healthy for me.” Create a mantra that helps to bring your thoughts to a more positive mindset.Here are some ideas for how you can put the good memories that no longer serve you in the past. They have not earned the right to stand beside you and your children now.” That doesn’t mean it excuses the victimization,” Bernstein says. “Just because someone put food on the table or made you laugh or taught you to play softball doesn’t mean they have to be in your life. If you hold onto good memories, it’s important not to use them as a way to excuse the perpetrator. “Happy times can be savored. “They hold onto what might bring them a little bit of joy or peace.” If they can remember a smile on a child’s face returning a ball they kicked to them, how do you tell them to let that go?” she says. “Some people are so traumatized by their experiences, but they taught kids how to play soccer. Bernstein points to war veterans as an example. If memories make you happy and aren’t causing you harm, you might want to hang onto them. You Don’t Need to Let Go of All the Good Memories “A lot of times the good memories pepper over a traumatic day,” Bernstein says. ![]() Bernstein has counseled survivors who are grateful that they never went without food, for example, even though they lived with emotional or physical abuse. With time, survivors learn to reframe what they perceive as “good,” because living with abuse can color that perception. ![]() They come to understand how the abuser manipulated happy times. “People will let go of some good memories as they age and understand what they survived and what they are recovering from,” Bernstein says. Letting go of your good memories can be part of the process of healing and growth. “It takes additional grieving to let go of the good,” Bernstein says. Letting go of the good memories means acknowledging that you were groomed, manipulated, gaslighted or duped. It can be difficult for you to admit that an abuser orchestrated positive experiences as part of their cycle of power and control. And a survivor may want to hold onto some of the good memories if they have kids who spend time with the abuser, to lessen the worry they have about sharing custody with an abuser.Ībusers Used Good Times to Establish Control Holding onto the good memories can be a way of justifying why someone stayed in the relationship for so long. “Some people want to hold onto their childhood, or some semblance of their marriage, or some part of their relationship,” says Susan Bernstein, a Connecticut-based licensed social worker and marriage and family therapist with expertise in domestic violence. Survivors have valid reasons for holding onto good memories. ![]()
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